Fated
by Aylarain
Summary: Even when the course is altered, fate will still find a way to bring about her events foretold. The answer to Jax's question, "What if you'd stayed?"
1. 1997

_**Fated**_

Pairing: Jax/Tara Spoilers: Eventually this will spoil Season 1

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 3850

Disclaimer: If I owned SOA, they would have started filming season 2 long before April 16

Summary: This is an AU in which Tara never left Charming. This chapter is 1997 when they are 19.

AN: Ladies and gents, here it is… my first chapter fic! Each chapter is a year in the decade that Tara was gone from Charming, but in this story she never left. Each chapter features 2-4 months in that year and there's even a plot involved. A few actually. I already have the entire thing mapped out, it's just a matter of writing it all out. This darn thing has kept me up at night. It seems my best ideas happen at 3 am, or maybe they just seem great at 3 am… hmmm… anyway, Thank you for reading!

* * *

_**1997**_

_February_

"Just stay," he says. Tara feels lips press between her shoulder blades as an arm wraps around her waist, gently pulling her back down to the bed.

The lips marking their course to the top of her shoulder do not inspire Tara to lie back down with him. She's just too tired and it's already after two am. By the time she gets back to her dad's and in bed it will be after 2:30 and she has to be up at seven to get ready for work.

"You know I can't," she replies, allowing the exhaustion to weigh down her voice.

"I know that you won't."

It's too late to deal with him and Tara instead chooses to continue her original plan of action and find her clothes. Closing the button on her jeans, her eyes scan the messy floor of Jax's room above the Club for her shirt and bra, but they are nowhere to be seen. The nearest t-shirt of his littering the floor will be fine for her to go home in. It doesn't really matter what she looks like at this point. Tara just needs to be covered up enough to make it to her car.

The Club is not conducive to a decent night's sleep. It doesn't really get quiet until the early hours of the morning and after spending all day on her feet as a cashier at the local Save Mart supermarket, Tara needs her sleep.

"Fine, whatever Tara, go fuckin' home," Jax tells her. The snapping tone creates a lump that rises in her throat. He's pulling his clothes back on and Tara knows he's going back down to join what's left of the party. It's already much later than she meant to stay and it's more than likely exhaustion is fueling her emotions, but instead of walking to her car Tara just ends up sliding to the floor in tears.

The first sniffle attracts his attention and his hand drops away from the doorknob as he turns back to her. Tara's crouched on the floor at the end of his bed. Short, dark hair hiding her face and her hands are furiously attempting to brush the tears away.

"Tara… shit, I'm sorry." Kneeling in front of her, callused palms brush the brunette strands away from her face and Jax plants kisses on each closed eyelid and one on each flushed cheek.

"No, no, Jax, _I'm_ sorry. I don't know why…" she chokes out between sobs.

"It's all right. It's all right," he murmurs against her ear. Jax pulls her away from the bed just enough that he can move in behind her and pulls her back to lean against his chest. Fingertips brushing rhythmically up and down her arms ease her crying until all that's left is a few hitches of her breath.

It's been like this for almost four months now. At only 19 Tara feels like she might as well be 50. She works all day and most nights all she wants to do is crawl into bed. Keeping up with Jax feels like an impossible task and more often than not lately Tara doesn't even try. Crying and snapping at him when she doesn't really mean it is happening with a greater frequency and Tara wants so badly to stop. This rut she has managed to dig herself into seems like an impossible hurdle and it feels like she's clawing at smooth walls that offer no chance for escape.

In her darker moments Tara pulls out the college acceptance letters that went unanswered and reads the meaningless "_Congratulations" _and "_You have been accepted!" _over and over again.

Tara stayed for him, and now she might end up driving him away.

Easing out of Jax's arms she settles herself on the floor next to him and looks out the window at the black night sky. "I'm sorry," she apologizes quietly to Jax, herself, and the stars.

"It's okay Tara," the too easy response slips past his lips and she wonders if he even knows that he's saying it anymore.

"None of this is okay. I'm _not_ okay, and we… we are not okay," she admits her truth to him and wonders if he recognizes theirs. Her answer is his silence.

Ever since Jax moved out of his mother's, into the room above the Club, Tara has felt him growing away from her… or maybe she's growing away from him. Their problems can't even be easily identified making the solutions all that more unattainable.

Jax can't come to her father's home and she never feels like they're alone at the Club. It's sad to say, but they had a lot more time together when he lived with his mother. Gemma and Clay were hardly ever home.

The cut is rarely off his shoulders and Jax has been a full member since he was 18, however Tara doesn't need to be reminded of SAMCRO every single moment she's with him and at the Club that's all she can see. Almost every day that passes she sees less and less of her boyfriend and more and more of the soldier he's become.

"God, I don't… I don't know what to do. I don't _want_ to be this way… I just don't know how to stop." She's grateful for his hand that's holding hers and the thumb rubbing soothing circles on her skin. He always keeps her grounded, especially when her mind wants to run away from her.

"I didn't realize it would be this hard… to stay," the last part comes out in a whisper. Tara wants to take back the words as soon as they're released, but she also feels a small measure of relief. Hurting Jax is never her intention, but it hurts keeping it all inside.

His hand leaves hers and she watches the familiar motions of him running his hands over his face and then through his hair.

"Do you wish you hadn't?"

"I don't know anymore." Tara opens her mouth to continue, but is interrupted by a pounding on his door and a clatter of footsteps out in the hall.

"_Jackie boy! Quit yer hidin'!"_ is followed by another series of rapid knocks. Tara closes her eyes and breathes for a moment before deciding it's all just too damn pointless and braces her arms on the floor to push herself up. A hand gripping her forearm forcefully pulls her back down.

"Tara it's Friday night. Just fucking forget about them, please?" his fingers lace through hers and it's clear he isn't letting her go just yet.

"It's Friday night _every_ night Jax," she points out and Tara doesn't know what they can possibly solve at 3 am, but she knows that she'll be dead on her feet tomorrow. This conversation is going to keep her up for what's left of this night and she has little hope for tomorrow.

Jax breaks a long stretch of silence with, "What if we tried something new?" he asks with what sounds like hope. It's hard to be sure. Tara almost doesn't recognize the concept anymore. Thankfully it looks like they're veering off the earlier subject because Tara doesn't want to tell him that sometimes she dreams of blue and gold sweatshirts, lectures and labs she will never attend.

"Like what?"

"Move in with me."

She rolls her eyes and he must catch the movement in the moonlight.

"Christ, not here Tara. I mean let's get an apartment or somethin'… to make things easier."

It could also make things much, much worse. If they move in and all it does is magnify their problems, she will lose him. Then she'll be left with an apartment she can't afford on her own, a crappy job, and absolutely no escape.

However, she does need to get out of this damn hole she either dug herself or Jax was busy shoveling when she wasn't looking. "Ok."

His smile causes a small one to also break out on her face and she doesn't pull back when he leans in, because Jax is worth every chance. Tara stayed for him and even if she has to borrow all her hope from Jax, she has to believe that it will get better.

* * *

_April_

It takes almost two months for a semi-decent place to become available and Tara almost backs out on the day they have to sign the lease. Tara is absolutely committed to Jax… the black design that found a home on her back two years ago proves that… but the past two months haven't been any easier. In fact, looking for an apartment ended up just adding more stress and nothing but doubt clouded her mind on the drive to the leasing office.

It's a modest one-bedroom and they collect furniture from family and friends… well mostly Jax's family and friends. Her aunt in San Diego sends her a gift certificate to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. Tara drags Jax to the store and makes him pick out towels and a shower curtain with her. His complete lack of excitement doesn't dampen hers as she alternates between color choices. Jax does end up having an opinion when she attempts to pick out pale yellow sheets. The fact that he expresses any interest at all is more than likely what allows her to purchase the beige ones he grabs off the shelf.

When it all comes together, nothing actually looks like it goes together. The oddly flower-patterned couch they picked up at a yard sale looks even uglier next to the blue and white plaid armchairs Piney let them have from his basement.

The moment all her doubts go away is when she steps back and admires her work in arranging the closet. Jax's dark sweatshirts and flannels hang next to her blouses and tanks. T-shirts and jeans are stacked on alternating shelves. Something about the way their clothes look next to each other reassures Tara that living together isn't going to wreck them.

As she worked, colorful phrases could be heard from the living room as Jax, Opie, and Kyle attempted to maneuver the couch through the main door. Then of course was the half hour discussion of the best position for optimal TV viewing. Tara alternately rolled her eyes and smiled at their antics as she tried to figure out the best way to split up the lone dresser.

They're already mostly used to each other's routines, but the first few mornings her alarm clock goes off at seven when he doesn't have to be up until nine, Jax nearly destroys it in his hasty attempt to shut it off. Tara ends up having to make do without the snooze button.

It's not at all embarrassing to admit that her happiest night in months is the first weekend in their new place when Jax foregoes going out on Saturday night and stays in with her. They lie on the ugly couch, eat popcorn, and watch _Independence Day_. The movie is okay, but with her head in his lap and his fingers twisting in her hair, Tara falls asleep halfway through. He gently leads her to bed and they're both asleep before midnight.

The next morning Tara wakes up feeling so good and so happy that she decides not to wait in sharing her excitement. Her tongue only makes it halfway around the "_O" _on his back before he's rolling on top of her. Still sleepy, he doesn't even bother to open his eyes before his lips are seeking out her neck.

Each night that Tara goes to bed with him and every morning she wakes up next to him feels like a small victory. She feels like she's standing in the light at the end of the tunnel.

Gemma stops by two weeks after they move in to see what type of squalor her son is living in. Jax is at the garage and Tara knows that Gemma is aware of that fact. Gemma must have found out that Tara was home sick that day, because there's no other reason for her to stop by at two in the afternoon.

An incessant pounding on the door forces Tara up and off the couch. A plant is immediately thrust into her hands and Gemma doesn't even wait for an invite before her black boots click their way on the linoleum into the kitchen.

"Don't forget to water that," Gemma tells her, eyes scanning the small kitchen.

"I.. I won't." Tara's mind is a little fuzzy thanks to the cough medicine and these days she needs all her faculties to handle Gemma. Ever since Jax announced that they were moving in together at dinner one Thursday evening, Gemma seemed to have decided Tara's the enemy. Tara's still trying to figure out what war they're fighting and she's absolutely not up for doing battle.

"No chicken soup, but I'm sure you got a can around here somewhere," Gemma randomly comments.

"Yeah maybe," is Tara's reply and she takes a seat at the two person kitchen table, because more than likely Gemma has a point to get across and if Tara is going to figure it out than she can't waste any energy standing.

"You making sure he eats good? Makin' him dinner and all that?" Gemma starts opening cabinets and Tara has the urge to bury her head in her arms or put her hands over her ears like a 3-year old. Maybe if she starts singing _la la la la la _Gemma will leave.

"I'm trying. We're doing okay…. really okay." A coughing fit sort of takes away her credibility, but she still ends up smiling a little because it's true. They are doing okay and some days could even be classified as great.

"Mmmhmmm. Well don't be getting Jax sick or nothin'."

Tara does lay her head on her arms then and simply listens to the boots click back to the door.

"You're really not lookin' too good. Take care of yourself," Gemma easily breezes out the door and Tara quickly gets up to turn the lock. Nothing could ever really keep Gemma out, but it's still about the symbolism of the act.

Bypassing the couch, Tara crawls into their bed and pulls the beige sheets up tight under her chin. Pulling the other pillow over her head blocks out the light and thanks to an extra dose of the nighttime cough syrup she closes her eyes and tries to lose the image of Gemma's black boots walking all over her.

* * *

_August_

The clock reads 4:53 when Tara's sluggish eyes finally open long enough to read the time. She almost closes them again when the knocking on the apartment door continues. Jax isn't home yet and if he's out there too drunk to fit his key in the lock he can just spend the night in the hall.

Jingling keys can be heard and it sounds as if someone is trying to fit key after key in the lock with little success. A muffled "_Tara" _carries to the bedroom and it doesn't sound like the person on the other side of the door is Jax.

Tara's half right when she opens the door and Opie is standing there attempting to right Jax who nearly fell in when the door opened. The dim light from the hallway reveals a bloody and bruised Jax, arms crossed protectively around his torso.

"Oh my God," Tara breathes out. She's only seen him this way once before and that time he was home with his mother. Now Opie has brought Jax home to her and her meager first aid skills seem absolutely useless when faced with the sight in front of her.

"Tara I gotta get him out of the hallway," Opie informs her in an attempt to achieve something other than just a blank stare.

"Right, right… the bathroom. Take him to… you… you know where the bathroom is," she stammers out and finally moves out of the doorway and is only able to watch as Opie half carries her boyfriend into the apartment.

Cautiously, Tara follows until she's standing in the hall, leaning against the wall opposite the bathroom doorway. Opie has gotten Jax seated on the closed lid of the toilet and is attempting to remove his shirt. Each wince and hiss makes Tara want to turn and look away, but this is Jax. This is her boyfriend and she can't turn away from him.

Dark, blue and red bruises stand out on the left side of his chest. When Opie moves Tara sees another large one on his lower left side. In a few days they'll turn a sickly yellow green color and Tara tries very hard _not _to imagine what caused them. The blood is coming from a wound along his hairline above his right eye and Tara has to keep reminding herself that head wounds just bleed a lot. He's not going to bleed to death in their bathroom… god, she hopes not anyway.

"Does he need… _can_ he go to a hospital?" She addresses the question to Opie because he's the only one in charge right now. There isn't much Jax could do about it in his state if Opie says yes and she will help him wrestle Jax in the car if she has to.

She's dismayed as both men shake their heads.

"It's not that bad," Jax tells her in a wheezy, completely unconvincing voice.

Tara has no idea when Opie found the time to memorize the contents of the bathroom cabinets, but he quickly locates butterfly strips and an ACE bandage. Turning to her, he tosses the bandages and nods in Jax's direction. She manages to get the hint. It's time for Tara to help.

Cool water from the faucet wets the washcloth and Tara gently cleans as much blood away as she can while Opie wraps his ribs. Jax leans into the washcloth and Tara brushes the dirty blonde hair out of his eyes to see him better.

"I'm sorry Tara."

"You say that too often," she gently chastises. A little antiseptic is applied before the first of four butterfly stitches is adhered to the skin. Jax more than likely needs stitches, but this will have to do.

"I really wish I wasn't right now," he tells her with a small smile and a fraction of the usual charm.

"I know baby, I know," she says and finishes the last strip off with a light brush of her lips above his brow. She can hear Opie on the phone in the kitchen and Tara focuses on her next task, relieving Jax's pain. Rooting around in the cabinet under the sink, Tara produces a bottle of vicodin from last year when she broke her wrist. Jax gratefully accepts one and holds his hand out for another which she reluctantly gives him.

"All right man, I think it's time for bed," Opie announces from the doorway and Tara moves out of the way to let Opie maneuver Jax to the bedroom. Tara helps him remove Jax's dirty jeans and they lay him down amongst the rumpled sheets that it feels like forever ago she crawled out of.

Jax still has blood in his hair and some is still seeping from the wound. Tara can replace the pillows later. It would cause Jax unnecessary pain to put him in the shower now and sleep is the best thing for all of them at this point.

"I'll come by to check on him sometime tomorrow. He needs the ACE wrap removed for a while when he wakes up." Opie pauses to give her a moment to digest the information and he rubs her arm comfortingly. Tara makes a mental note to ask Opie when in the hell he became a makeshift EMT.

"Call me if you think he's getting worse," he finishes with a final brush of his hand on her shoulder before making his way to the door.

"Should I be worried about whoever did.."

"No," he answers before the question is finished and quietly shuts the door behind him.

In the ensuing silence, Jax's shallow breathing is all that Tara can hear. The worst might have already happened and he could have a punctured lung or internal bleeding. It's suddenly terrifying being left alone with him because he could be dying right in front of her and she won't know until he's gone.

Needing to get away from the sight and sound of him for a few minutes, Tara needlessly locks herself in the bathroom to clean up. Her tears mix with his blood on the floor as she attempts to sop it up with the soiled washcloth she used to clean his face.

Holding his ruined t-shirt against her mouth Tara muffles a scream of frustration. Last time it was Gemma that cleaned up her son and the mess his blood made. Tara went to the house the next day and stretched out on the couch with him to watch re-runs of old sitcoms. It is inconceivable to her that a mother could do that and continue to campaign for her son to be a part of an organization that can and will cause this.

What if ten years from now when matching gold bands adorn their ring fingers, Opie brings Jax home to her bruised and bloody and he bleeds to death on the front porch or in front of their children? What if Tara's left to watch her husband die in their bed as his abdomen fills with blood or his lungs cease to expand?

Tara could leave. She could walk out the door this very night and be hours away from Charming before anyone notices. Opie will come to check on Jax and when no one answers the knock on the door, he'll pick the lock and Jax will be taken care of.

It isn't courage or strength that's telling Tara to pack her bags. The reflection in the mirror plainly shows the fear and utter helplessness that she's really feeling. She rips the t-shirt of his she wore to bed over her head when she spots the blood dotting the image of the reaper. It falls to the mess on the floor and the metaphor is absolutely not lost on her. SAMCRO is literally and figuratively drenched in blood.

Right now, Tara really can't see herself being around for this in a decade. She can't see herself walking down an aisle to a man that is undoubtedly going to break her heart.

But for tonight, Tara is going to drag one of the old armchairs into the bedroom. She will sit and watch the sun come up and listen to Jax breathe. Maybe Tara will crawl into bed with him after he wakes and proves to her that he isn't leaving her all alone. She'll bury her face in his shoulder, tangle her fingers in his hair, and use his warmth to chase away the chill the events of this night have left in her.


	2. 1998

Pairing: Jax/Tara

Warnings: Swearing, Sex

Spoilers: Will eventually spoil Season 1

Word Count: 4258

Disclaimer: We wouldn't be waiting until the fall if I owned SOA. Probably a good thing that I don't. Charlie would've never made out of his dressing room if I ran the show ;)

Summary: It's 1998 and at the age of 20 things are taking a better turn.

* * *

_**1998**_

_January_

It took nearly three months for Tara to be able to fall asleep without Jax beside her after that god awful night in August. He opened the door too many early mornings to find Tara still awake on the couch watching infomercials. The kitchen acquired a few too many mostly useless appliances, odds and ends before Jax finally put her on the back of his back, drove her to the desert, and prodded her until she finally broke and let out all her pent-up emotion on him.

Standing there amongst the mostly quiet desert with nothing but her accusations, Jax was uneasy about whether he had made the right choice. The hissed, "_I cleaned up your blood," _that passed her lips was the clue Jax needed. Tara was full of bitterness and even if he had to stand and listen to things he didn't want to hear, he had to let her say them. Jax won't make her promises he doesn't know if he can keep, but he will fight with her _for her_.

All of Tara's bottled up emotions spilled over when Jax hopped off his bike and asked her why in the hell she stayed if she couldn't handle it. Her defenses broke and everything poured out including a few things she didn't know she had been holding in. When the yelling stopped and anger faltered Tara felt a calm that had been missing for months. The wind rushing past the bike gliding down the highway as Jax drove them home carried away the rest of her fear and apprehension. The next time Jax didn't come home she turned off the TV at midnight, crawled into bed, and managed to fall asleep after only an hour.

New Year's day found Tara waking up on the floor of Jax's old room above the Club. They rung in the New Year with SAMCRO the night before. While Jax easily moved throughout the Club, Tara sat at a table with Kyle and Opie's girlfriends, April and Jenn. A deck of cards was scrounged up and a few too many rounds of "Drink Bitch" later all three were hardly able to properly count down from ten at midnight.

Tara vaguely remembers dragging Jax up to his old room as soon as the Happy New Year kiss he landed on her ended. Hopefully it was the _upstairs_ landing where Tara wrapped her legs around his waist while her fingers deftly undid the zipper on his jeans. She's not a prude, but a vague recollection of a forgotten door being left open and a few catcalls cause a blush that spreads all the way to her toes.

His green plaid shirt from the night before is haphazardly draped over her, but her boyfriend is not on the floor. Instead, he's naked sprawled across the end of the bed. Tara's somewhat sure she also started up there, but the manner in which she ended up on the floor is lost on her. The afternoon sun filtering through the lone window is too bright and she manages to pick herself up and drop herself to the bed that belongs to someone else now.

Curling up around one of the pillows she does her best to ignore the incessant pounding in her head and the light snores coming from Jax. Tara's unable to find her shirt when both are awake much later in the afternoon. She's mortified when Jax walks in the room grinning from ear to ear with it hanging off his finger telling her he found it near the stairs.

Three weeks into January she's promoted to assistant manager. It's nice making slightly more money, but in high school Tara hadn't pictured herself throwing on a Save-Mart polo and a pair of khakis to go to work in every morning.

Her boyfriend will be a mechanic… among other things… for the rest of his working life. Sure, he's destined to own it all one day. Gemma's worked too hard for Jax's future to end any other way, but Jax is still going to be putting on the grease stained t-shirts and jeans every morning. Tara dreamt of being a doctor in high school, but she never quite envisioned how the doctor ended up staying with the mechanic.

Showered and dressed for work, Tara finishes her morning routine with her jewelry. Clasping the gold chain around her neck she's still a little uncomfortable with the disappointment she felt when Jax presented her with the Christmas gift nearly a month ago. The small diamond pendant is beautiful on the chain, but on Christmas morning when she fingered the stone while watching the coffee drip she idly wondered why it couldn't have been on a ring.

"Hey babe," a wonderfully smooth voice breaks her out of her thoughts. Turning towards the doorway he's passing through Tara is absolutely content at the moment to just be living with him. Shirtless and wearing just his black boxer briefs. His hair is still wet and he smells like the Old Spice bar soap he uses.

"You got work today?" she asks as he moves in behind her and she relishes the sight they make in the mirror. His hair is dripping onto her red work polo, but she isn't ready to make him move. His body radiates the leftover heat from the shower and she nearly purrs when his hands settle at her hips and thumbs dig into her lower back with slow circles that he knows she likes.

"In an hour. You think we could go by Ma's tonight for dinner. She's been hasslin' me about it at work these past few days."

Tara can't imagine why her presence would be requested by Gemma, but she gives in easily as his hands move their circles up her back and she couldn't possibly feel any tension at this moment.

"Sure, that's fine. I get off at 6 and I'll just meet you there. I'd rather change first before dinner." It isn't really fine, but dinner with the parents isn't really optional.

Jax doesn't miss the falter in her smile as she consents to dinner and he whispers a, "_Thank you,"_ followed by a kiss on the top of her head. Tara's eyes track the image of the reaper watching her boyfriend disappear to the kitchen for coffee.

She almost grabs a late shift when one opens up at work, but stops herself. Gemma's still the most important woman in Jax's world and Tara isn't going to be able to avoid her forever. In high school, she'd nearly idolized the older woman. Tara's own mother had been dead for years and she adored the attention that Gemma paid to her. When she was 16 Tara thought she wouldn't mind being just like the leather-wearing, black convertible Sebring driving mother. Now at 20, she would just like to find a way to get along with her. Tara doesn't need to fix the relationship. She just needs to be able to get through a meal without feeling the need to run for the door.

At home, she dons a nicer green shirt than necessary and a pair of decent jeans. She's known Jax's parents for years now, but it's like she's back at square one trying to impress them. She grabs a change of clothes for Jax because he undoubtedly forgot to take any. Putting her leather jacket on she tries very hard to calm the nerves that are telling her to run for the hills.

The garage of the Morrow home is open and she walks in through the back door without knocking. She must be right on time because when she enters the kitchen, Clay walks in through the sliding glass door leading to the back porch and the grill with a platter of steaks in his hands.

Gemma turns from her spot at the kitchen sink and greets her with, "Jax is in the shower. You can set the table."

Clay looks up with a smile and a bit of a glimmer in his eye. "Been a while since we seen you 'round Tara."

It's true. Tara has avoided the Club and its members ever since New Year's. What may or may not have been seen has kept her home on the weekends. "Hi Clay, Gemma," she manages a greeting and hopes they don't notice the blush that she's sure is prominent on her cheeks.

"Don't you worry. Jax heard them boys tellin' some tales and he set 'em to rights," Clay reassures her.

There's nothing reassuring about knowing that Clay and more than likely Gemma know of her less than stellar moment, but there's little that can be done now. Plus, in the grand scheme of things it's fairly tame considering what goes on there.

"Now that your _virtue _is safe," Gemma rolls her eyes and gestures towards the stack of plates and condiments set out on the counter, "Table."

"Okay… I'm just gonna go set these clothes in- outside the bathroom for Jax." In high school Tara had spent the night in his bed with Gemma and Clay just down the hall. Now Tara won't even let him hold her hand if Gemma is in the vicinity. It's instinctual self-preservation that has her attempting to not remind Gemma of how close she and Jax are.

After setting the clothes in front of the door and cracking it just enough to tell him they're there, she quickly gets back to the kitchen to grab the stack of plates. Setting four spots at the end of the long table Tara briefly wonders if she'll ever be ready to inherit all of this. Not the table, the house, or any of that. The Club, the men, the garage, and the fallout from the real business that goes on behind closed doors around a carved table that Jax showed her once.

He startles her as she's setting the fourth spot and his hand under the plate saves it from crashing to the table. Turning to him with wide eyes, ready to scold him for the almost accident Jax swallows her lecture with his mouth covering hers. She briefly returns the gesture before pulling away and tossing him a wry grin.

"Thanks," he says motioning to the shirt before swaggering off to the kitchen shouting, "Ma! Dinner ready yet or what?"

The conversation over the steaks and baked potatoes is mostly between Clay, Gemma, and Jax. Clay does make a point to address them both when he asks if they're sure they don't need anything else for the apartment. Tara laughs when Jax shares another story of the bottle-job redhead that keeps bringing her perfectly fine Jeep to Teller Morrow insisting it's making a "funny noise."

"Next time I'll just beat the engine with a hammer and then she'll hear a funny fuckin' noise." At Jax's exasperation Tara snickers. There's no jealousy rising in her watching Jax roll his eyes while Clay and Gemma laugh at his obvious displeasure with the whole affair. The redhead's been coming to the garage every few weeks for the past six months and has yet to get the hint that Jax is very much _not _interested.

The plates get carried into the kitchen by Tara and Jax. Gemma pulls two beers out of the fridge and shoos the men to the backyard while her and Tara take care of the dishes. Jax throws Tara a glance to be sure she's alright if he leaves her. He isn't blind to the strain between his mother and girlfriend, but he doesn't even know why it started let alone how to fix it. At Tara's slight nod he follows his step-father.

Gemma pulls two more out of the fridge and Tara gratefully takes a long pull of her beer. It's disconcerting to listen to the clink of the plates and silverware as Gemma loads the dishwasher while Tara washes the pans and cooking utensils in the sink. Silence reigns amongst the two women as they work.

"Aww, don't tell me I missed it," Tig comments upon his sudden entrance into the kitchen.

"Who the hell said you were invited," Gemma answers with none of the harshness the statement could imply. She opens the oven and pulls out a plate of food, handing it off to the biker. Tara's eyebrows raise when Tig accepts it with a loud smacking kiss on Gemma's cheek.

"They're outside," Gemma gestures to the door. Tig grabs a beer from the fridge and Gemma places silverware on top of his plate.

"Tara," he acknowledges her with a nod as he slips out the door before she can answer in kind.

It's just as well. Tara almost never speaks to Tig. The few occasions he stops by the supermarket Tara always manages a polite smile and hello, but nothing more. She feels mostly comfortable around the rest of Jax's brothers-in-arms, but not Tig… never around Tig.

"Those will wait," Gemma stops her, holding out a towel to dry her hands. Following the older woman back to her bedroom Tara speculates on whether or not she's being lead to her doom.

"About a week ago," Gemma starts as Tara watches her open a drawer in the large carved dresser, "Jax was askin' after these. Wanted to know if I still had 'em." A small, red velvet box is produced and Tara cautiously accepts it.

Opening it to find two gold bands, Tara looks up to Gemma with astonishment. At the nod of approval from Jax's mother she lifts one out to inspect it closer. An inscription on the inside of the band catches her eye. "Dilseacht," she attempts to pronounce the foreign word knowing she's slaughtered it.

"Means loyalty. These," Gemma lifts out the other band and slides it down her ring finger admiring it for a moment, "were mine and John's. The inscription was a surprise from him on our wedding day." Gemma smirks as she watches the younger girl fumble to hold onto the ring that nearly falls from her hand in surprise.

"Christ girl, I didn't pry it from his cold hand. John lost his ring a few months before he died. He was always removing it when he was workin' and I found it behind the dresser when we moved the furniture."

For the life of her, Tara cannot figure out why Gemma would show her these or inform her of Jax's inquiry. She only has a few brief memories of Jax's father around Charming. She and Jax didn't start dating until just after John Teller's horrific accident.

"Did Jax say why… or did he ask to-" Gemma cuts off Tara's stuttered questions and Tara's actually grateful.

"Look, I don't know what Jax has planned or if any of that had anything to do with you," Gemma takes the box and ring from her and places both bands back inside, "All I want to know is if you've got an answer for him if he does." The velvet box loudly snaps shut, abruptly sealing the rings back up.

"We haven't even talked about it. Jax never -"

"An answer Tara?" Gemma asks again impatiently.

Tara takes a moment to weigh her options to figure out what best would satisfy Jax's mother. "Yeah Gemma, I do," is all she admits. She doesn't have to tell the older woman what it would be.

"Good." The dresser drawer closes loudly and Tara flinches at the bang the connecting wood makes. Backing out of the room, Tara has the distinct impression that it's not _good_. As far as Tara's concerned Gemma doesn't have anything to worry about. Jax would have to ask her first and so far he hasn't shown any signs of getting down on one knee.

Back at the sink Tara resumes her work with the dishes. Looking out the window into the backyard she can see Jax at the patio table. Beer bottles littering the glass surface while Jax and Clay are full-blown laughing with their heads tilted back with Tig looking mildly abashed.

Tara's not all that concerned when Gemma emerges from the bedroom and blows out the door to join the men. Humming along to Eric Clapton's "Cocaine" playing on the classic rock station Clay has the radio set to she begins drying the dishes. From her vantage point at the window she see's Jax's eyes narrow at his mother's lone appearance and she doesn't miss the glare Gemma throws him at his questioning glance.

"She got you slavin' away in here?" he asks sliding the door closed behind him. With an easy grin and a swat at her behind he grabs a towel and helps her finish up.

"I didn't make the dinner. I don't mind cleaning up," she answers and continues to hum along to Clapton, the Stones, and CCR while they lazily clean up the kitchen and dining room. Jax flicks crumbs at her when he wipes down the counter and Tara swats him with the wet dishcloth in her hand.

Tara spent most of the day fretting over the evening, but it ended up turning out much better than she could have hoped.

* * *

_July_

Blearily cracking her eyes open far too early on a Sunday morning, Tara attempts to figure out what has caused her to awaken so early. Work isn't until the afternoon and her boyfriend is sound asleep next to her. It isn't until she becomes more aware of the stale air against her skin that Tara realizes her problem. Jax kicked the sheet to the end of the bed sometime during the night. For reasons she's never been able to explain Tara needs at least that much covering her while she sleeps.

The air conditioner is cranked up high to drive out as much of the intense July heat as possible, but the ancient box in the living room window is no match for the California sun.

Deciding that it's always better not to suffer alone Tara scoots to the end of the bed and starts with the lightest touch of her fingertips along the edge of Jax's foot. At first all she gets for her efforts is a twitch. Trailing up and down his ankle until she reaches the other side, this time she lightly drags her nails down the sole of his foot. This gets her results.

He immediately jerks his foot away from her assault as he turns on his side to face her. "Damn woman, do you _want_ me to kick you?" he asks with one eye cracked open.

"Mornin' to you too… Jax I'm _hot_," she finishes with a whine and a pout from her position lying across the end of the bed.

He quirks an eyebrow and she knows exactly what he's about to say except he surprises her when his lecherous grin is followed by, "Nahhh, too easy… but fuck you're right it's hot," he pauses to glance at the alarm clock next to the bed. "Shit Tara it's only 7:45."

"Trust me, you're no more disappointed then I am." Stretching her arms over her head causes her tank top to ride up and Jax takes the opportunity to pounce on her. His fingertips dance over her ticklish sides until Tara's laughing and tears are rolling down her face begging him to stop and she'll do whatever he wants if he would please just stop. Even if it means she has to make him pancakes wearing only the corny "_Don't Mess With the Chef" _apron. It's a fantasy that she has yet to agree to fulfill.

"All right all right," he laughs blowing a kiss low on her stomach, "You don't have to beg. I already _know_ you'll do whatever I want." His mouth moves up dipping his tongue into her navel.

"Un unh," she cradles his face in her palms to bring him back up her body, "I already feel all gross and sweaty. You can do whatever you want… _alone_… but I'm takin' a shower." Tara quickly slides out from under one arm and dashes to the bathroom before he has a chance to stop her.

Cool water runs from the showerhead and she leaves the temperature low for a moment before turning the knob for hot water. Jax lasts only moments longer than she thought he would.

"You said anything," he informs her pulling back the shower curtain and stepping in behind her.

"Mmhmm… anything," she murmurs as his hands slip under her arms and gently with a feather light touch move over her breasts and down her sides. Their path made slick by first the water and then her when his right hand dips lower.

Tara folds her arms around the one he wraps around her waist. When she tightens her hold and nails dig into his skin Jax slips in a third digit. Her name drawn out against her ear and a flick of his thumb at just the right moment makes the sparks blissfully ignite.

He gives her a few needed moments to come back down until gently turning her in his arms to firmly place his lips against hers. Tara pours all her heat into his kiss and slips her tongue in to taste him. She places her hands on his chest to firmly push him back until he hits the shower wall. Jax closes his eyes, runs a hand down his face, and leans his head back as she places open mouth kisses down his chest, stomach, and traces her tongue along the defined lines at his hips.

His fingers tangle in her hair when she takes him in her mouth. Jax doesn't guide her. Just rests his hands at the back of her head as she first licks up and down before closing her lips over him. Tara works him exactly the way she knows he wants and when his fingers pull at her hair and a, "_God Tara,"_ breathes past his lips she digs her fingers into his thighs and takes him just that much further until Jax comes apart.

"_Damn _Tara," Jax exclaims while leaning down to lift her up and set her on her feet. He grabs her shampoo bottle off the shelf and guides her under the water. His fingers knead her scalp while he works the apple-scented shampoo into her hair. Tara will continue to invite him into all her showers from now until eternity if he promises to always massage shampoo and conditioner into her hair like that.

Once Jax is equally clean Tara turns the water off that's probably run for far too long. He barely rubs a towel over himself before throwing on an old pair of sweats and striding out of the bathroom. Tara takes her time and towels as much water out of her hair as she can. Tying the belt of her blue bathrobe she hopes Jax has already started the coffee.

She's a little startled upon entering the bedroom to find her boyfriend seated at the end of the bed. He looks too serious with his elbows on his knees, chin resting on top of his closed fists. Tossing him a curious look she continues to the dresser for her hairbrush. The dresser faces the bed and the mirror on top gives her a perfect view of Jax who's still sitting there watching her. He does give her a smile when her eyes catch his blue ones in the reflection, but he says nothing.

After a few pulls of the brush she can't take it anymore. "Jax what are-"

"Tara," he pauses all too dramatically with a wicked smile and holds out his hand. Between his forefinger and thumb a sparkle catches her eye and steals her breath. "Be my wife?" he asks with so much ease that Tara isn't sure she heard him right.

"Wife?.... As in _your_-"

"Yes, as in _my _wife," he chuckles at her clear surprise. Besides the obvious "_yes" _ response, he had hoped for a reaction like this. Closing the short distance between them he pries away the left hand that is covering her mouth in shock and doesn't wait for her answer before slipping the ring onto her finger.

Jax carried around the round-cut diamond ring for all of one week before deciding that whatever he was waiting for wasn't worth it. The only real plan he had was to catch his normally organized, very structured girlfriend off guard and he had certainly achieved his goal.

"Baby a guy kinda wants an answer after askin' somethin' like that," he says before first placing his lips over the ring and then against hers to coax her out of her silence.

"Yeah- yes!" she breaks into a wide smile and Jax, absolutely pleased with her enthusiasm, leans back in to capture her bottom lip between his as he pulls at the tie of her robe. Reaching under her bottom he easily lifts her onto the dresser. Her thumbs hook into his sweats to slide them off his hips and her toes finish the job when she can't reach. Jax grabs her left hand and she squeezes tight feeling the new metal press into her skin while he rocks into her.

There's no fancy dinner or long speech. Tara doesn't need Jax to stand in front of her listing all the reasons why she should marry him. The most important ones can't be put into words. It's just him, her, a Sunday morning and it's everything that Tara didn't know she was waiting for.

* * *

AN: On a bizarre side not that has nothing to do with this fic; I watched _Abandon_ and I swear I wouldn't have recognized him as the same guy playing Jax if I didn't know it beforehand. Just thought I'd share. So if you're a fan of his and haven't seen it, definitely give it a try.


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